New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
