Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
