I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
