He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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