they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
