i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
