I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
