if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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