I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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