The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
