so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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