I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
