i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
