Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
