You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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