Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
