is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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