hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
