never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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