im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
