If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
