I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
