Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude. I can hear the air.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
