I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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