I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
