Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
