More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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