I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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