I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
