Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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