Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
