Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
