I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
