were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
