No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
