I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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