He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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