I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
