a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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