you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
