i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
