Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
