Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
