rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
