i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
