everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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