Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
