Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
