I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
