Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
