I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
