you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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