you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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